its real love

i cant say nothing else but this love is bittersweet.

buttt theres MORE SWEET than anything... i love him & thank you for everything.

CHICKABABES.

i swear, there is NO OTHER FRIENDSHIP/FAMILY relationship like ours. my cousin, other half, soulmate, my right hand bitch, twin, girlfriend, clubbin buddy & most of all my bestfriend. we been through many rollercoasters but theres nothin we cant ever understand or fix. honestly we complete each other. we got an open mind about errrthing. when ones wrong, we let it be known that one is fuckin up or lookin stupid and hidden words needed. hella blunt n tell it like it is. thasss why i love this beezy to death. no matter who u are SHE comes firsst. always. its JUSS CAUSE ITS PAU duh. =)

When worse comes to worse, Family COMES FIRST

I know things maybe rough & we all cant be together as we were FORCED when we were little (hah) naw but dont you all remember the goood times we had when all us juss chilled together and played ninento (mario carts) always ate at restaurants ALL the time for birthdays & went to reno as a big ass family..... Vacations in lake Tahoe in the cabin. Swimming & camping, Games at christmas, bowling,  lazer taggg.... i kinda miss it all, not only because we went places because if u think about it those places were kinda boring but we were ALL TOGETHER & we made the best of it. thass how close all of us were, not only the cousins, but the ADULTS too.... i juss miss it . . . . now all everyone does is watch TFC & play poker all dayyy . . . good thing im NOT into gambling cuz  money is a problem already to me and i dont wanna get addicted. haha good thng? like school & friends i know we all have our OWN lives, but if its family, it shouldnt be a question. the cousins needa step it up because  we are the new generation . . . keep the family together please . . . .  because i miss & love all of you. 

time for a change.

What has the world come to? rihanna & chris brown. good thing I AINT GOT A BIG ASS PROBLEM LIKE THIS FUCCK. haha. juss always remmber when you think your life cant get any better, THERES ALWAYS SUM1 ELSE who has bigger problems than you.

Out with the old, In with the new. I told myself things would be different, but i guess somethings cant change juss like that, you gotta actually strive harder than you ever can because if you dont try, it wont be accomplished. Ive always had a problem with school because me & school juss dont mix but thats life. You do things you HAVE to do whether you like it or not. Im in a battle where this war won't end unless i give in to try. sigh' its hard but thass life. i keep having these little moments where i juss wanna live, but i cant live if i dont work hard! ahhhhh im killin myself hahaha. but yeah at least my problem aint about no bitches or niggas no more =) thanks to the GREATEST FRIENDS & FAMILY & BOYFRIEND, my life is worth livin, now its up to me to focus & get where i always dreamt about. nothing aint finna stop me.  i juss ask for gods help to give me the strength to actually thrive for the best & to NEVER JUS SETTLE FOR juss good enough, GO BIG OR GO HOME RIGHT? & thass what imma TRY TO DO. no more procrastination.... i needa make my parents happpy & honestly in the end, its for the best & MY HAPPIENESSS. money IS EVERYTHING, i never thought it mattered but it DOES bc life is about paayin bills, setting & plannin a good future for your kid n their kids n so onnn, n i have NO TIME to b fuckin up. i jus wish i had this mentalliiitty before i started my classes here in east bay. damn, but HEY its NEVER EVER too latte to turn things around.

i hate reality haha "on the count of three, EVERYBODY run back to our FANTASIESS" hha sike, this the REAL WORLD NIGGA STOP LIVIN IN DREAAMLAND, MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN FASSST.

Dear Alexander Yambeezy,

i never really took the time to let you know how much i appreciate everything you have ever done for me. i know i am not the best person out there and i can be a real pain in the ass and the most aggravating and annoying girl in the world, and i apoligize every time i do hit a nerve and let you down. but i want to thank you for being there for me and always looking out for me. you have a certain quality about you that i can't exactly put to words but i'm going to try.

instead of pointing out my mistakes and looking only at the negative things in me, you appreciate all my imperfections and look past my faults with an open mind and a sincere heart. it was a struggle from the beginning and it was never easy from the start. i pushed you away and made everything so hard at first but despite that, you gave your all to me and kept proving yourself to me, with no thought of ever giving up on me. i was so blind and i got too caught up in something that was not meant for me and as much as i hate admitting this, you and i know, i took you a lot of things for granted but your something I wouldn't wanna take for granted. i finally have someone willing to give their all and sacrifice everything and anything to put me first. i've been hurt in many ways especially in the choices that i made and in spite of that, you care for me and stayed right by my side because you saw something in me that no one else did but most importantly, your so understanding. i expected you to look down upon me, and be so condescending with me, but it was far from that. if anything you lifted me up and told me that everything was going to be okay. you reassured me everytime i was feeling low and i was in pain that you were there to pick me up whenever i needed someone. when certain situations put me down that didn't even concern you but it did concern another, you were still there to catch me and pick up all the broken pieces.

it took a while for me to realize the feelings you had for me. i know things aren't always at their best, and we have our arguements and misunderstandings but we always find a way to work it out and it's usually you who always wants to compromise and come to an understanding. not only do i see you as my boyfriend but my one and only, best friend. i won't deny the fact that you get on my last nerve and you disappoint me sometimes, but your love and concern outweighs that a million times. and i know sometimes your insecurities get the best of you, and i'm reassuring you, you got me. you're a blessing and now more than ever, i want you to know, i'm always going to be here, holding your hand through it all.

i'm not going to promise you forever, and i'm not going to promise you eternity. but i know that we're together now and that's all that matters, and all i have, is hope and faith as we take it one day at a time.

i am the happiest girl alive.

Love,

Jemilah Yambeezy